Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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