I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
