dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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