the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
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