the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
and i looked up. we had an audience...
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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