Say something about gay babies.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
