I can't watch pbs sober anymore
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
