I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
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