He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Randomize
