I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Randomize
