eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
