I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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