Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
