If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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