Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
