she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
