My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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