as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Randomize
