i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
