I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
