Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
