At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Randomize
