dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Pooping to opera.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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