Apparently you make a good broom.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
