9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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