Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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