This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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