Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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