I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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