Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
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