An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
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