I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
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