If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
