And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
