the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I am midnight drunk by noon
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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