she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
