Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
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