Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
