just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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