I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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