I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
