I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
he fucked my hip out of place.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
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