TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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