I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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