you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
well I can't set my house on fire every night
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
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