It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
