I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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