Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
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