she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
