She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
cat food counts as protein by the way
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
