I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
