When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
