There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
